Thoughts about the “Libtard” Label – August 31, 2016

I can’t say I’ve been called anything else, but I’ve definitely been called a “Libtard.” Allow me to fill you in on this alleged “tard.”

I come from a small town in Texas, with a population of roughly 26,000. I attended public school, with science, history, art, and English being my strongest subjects (math and PE were my weakest). I worked hard to achieve award certificates in high school. 

A case in point: I took Biology as a sophomore. I’d not only make 100s on my tests, I did the extra credit work for more points. Every six weeks, my Biology teacher would have to discard points, because I couldn’t have a grade above 100 on my report card. The year after that, my cousin had that class, and she told me the teacher would talk about his hard working student.

After high school, I attended a junior college. I studied Business Administration. And although I’m not terribly keen on math, I enjoyed Business Math, because it has practical application in real life.

My educational journey wasn’t finished though. After graduation, I attended an undergraduate university in Oklahoma. They had an agreement with Texas, where you could pay in-state tuition, so long as your GPA remained above a 3.0 (I think). At this university, I studied Computer Science. 

I’ll admit I bombed in Analytic Geometry, but I typically made As and Bs, with a C or two, in most of my subjects. I eventually earned a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science.

My final stint was in graduate school. I attended a university in Texas this time. Again, my grades were pretty much As and Bs. The Masters degree program in Computer Science had two options: project or thesis. I went the thesis route, focusing on intelligent user interfaces (translation: imagine Windows observing your interactions and changing bits of itself to better meet your individual needs.)

So, yes. This “tard” has a Master of Science in Computet Science. I know logic, and I still remember the basics of programming in spite of the knowledge being outdated.

And yet, for all of my scholastic achievements, I’m of average intelligence. So where does that leave the critics that call me a “Libtard?” I’ll let you be the judge of that.

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Thoughts on “Occupy Democrats” -August 30, 2016

This half-crap video appeared on the Occupy Democrats FaceBook page. A friend shared it: The Truth about Mexicans. What makes it “half-crap” is the man’s judgmental attitude toward welfare recipients.

As long as you’re not bothering me, I don’t care if you’re black, white, Mexican, man, woman, gay, bi, or whatever. I have no problem with Mexicans coming over here and being migrant farmers or doing any of the other jobs that Americans don’t want to do. However, it’s quite hypocritical to have this man praise one group of people for “working hard” while criticizing Americans for either “working in cubicles” or “taking welfare”.

This man, and Occupy Democrats, have effectively thrown Americans under the bus. Our injured veterans, the mentally ill, the disabled, single parents with children, the working poor–we’re treated like pariahs because we need welfare to survive. It’s clear to me that Occupy Democrats is no better to the poorest of Americans than Trump would be. And don’t get me wrong, I’m no fan of Trump.

There are just some Americans that can’t work. It’s not about not wanting to work. It’s that we can’t function like ordinary people. Some of us have PTSD. Others have severe epilepsy that can’t be controlled. There are schizophrenics that you wouldn’t want to work with, because the stress can make them go postal. And Occupy Democrat’s “poster boy” laying out all the praise for Mexicans would rather we all just drop dead. Because we have to survive on welfare, therefore, we shouldn’t be breathing.

This is a sick viewpoint, Occupy Democrats. It’s sick, inhumane, and it should be called out for what it is!

Down with the two party system. It’s all hypocritical, hate-driven garbage.

Dream of the Knight – August 29, 2013

I dreamed about my childhood home. It had been torn down and rebuilt. I could swear I was really there.

I remember this young man (in his 30s) with brown hair. He parked his convertible in the driveway. It felt like he was my son. 

Then I saw an older man with well-groomed silvery hair. I identified him as my husband. He was a knight, and rather well-off, because he owned a successful security firm.

His company would build drones and robots to catch thieves. The real observation drones looked and behaved like songbirds. There were also “dummy” drones that resembled the drone helicopters. The security robots, which could be set to “training” or “protect” modes, looked like werewolves.

Dreams Involving Christianity – August 20, 2016

christian-cross-symbol_318-48696

My first dream was back in the ’80s, when video arcades had become all the rage. I saw Jesus (in his white robes) enter an arcade. He looked around and said, “I think I’ve been away too long.”

Then during a brief stint exploring Wicca during my young adulthood, I had a dream where this man I didn’t know was driving me somewhere. He asked me why I was studying that faith. I said, “Freedom,” and morphed into a dragon. I flew off over a forest, and that was the end of the dream.

In another dream, I felt myself float down. I felt like I had gone to Hell. The scenery didn’t look like it though. I found myself standing on a flat plain, with cool, moist soil. The air was comfortable. There were grasses and clover. No matter where I turned, it all looked the same all the way to the horizon. I realized that there was little to eat here, and I would have to eat the clover. Well, I eventually found a four-leaf clover. Taking that in hand, I struck out in a direction and started walking. After some time, I came upon an infinitely-deep ravine, with a bridge across it. When I tried crossing, a demon appeared. He demanded payment. I gave him the four-leaf clover, and he let me pass.

Then I had a dream where I was walking in my childhood neighborhood. I turned the corner and suddenly found myself being swept away by a flood. I bobbed along with the wooden debris, until I reached a distant hill. When I crawled out of the water, I saw a sign that read “Heaven – 7 mi.” So I started following the road. I came to a clearing, surrounded by woods. In the clearing, there was a boxing ring. It seemed to be some sort of staging area for something. Then I noticed a man floating down next to me. It was George Burns, puffing on his cigar. I said, “You must be an angel.” He replied, “I’m an angel or a devil, depending on your point of view.”

I had another dream of being in Hell. And this time, the scenery was lava and flames everywhere. The air still felt comfortable. But the real “Hell”? That was inside me, all of the anger that I felt. A male voice told me, “Mia, you don’t have to be here. You can choose to leave at any time.” So I chose to let go of my anger, and I flew away.

Yet another dream involved being told what types of people go where when they die. A male voice told me, “Those that think they deserve to go to Heaven wind up in Hell. But those that think they’re unworthy of Heaven get to come home.”

Then there was this one time that I was walking down stairs on a hill. A vampire stopped me. He was suave and charming when he bit me. Once he drank his fill, I was allowed to go on my way. Then another vampire stopped me. When he bit me, he intended to kill me. I could feel the malevolent intent. I managed to escape. Somehow, I found a crucifix as tall as I was. I was swinging it around like a flail, attacking the swarms of bats that had descended upon me. Another vampire with ill intent tried stopping me. I bashed him flat with the crucifix. Once I reached the bottom of the stairs, another friendly vampire tried to coax a drink from me, but I didn’t trust vampires at this point.

Now for another couple of Jesus dreams.

In one, I saw Jesus walking around with a black stick umbrella on the outskirts of a desert town. Suddenly, he was surrounded by ninjas. Using the umbrella, he was able to knock out all of his opponents.

The other one was quite fanciful, but an actual dream I had. I was a “crone” living in a cave out in the desert. Jesus had found a magic spear, and he needed help to go East to find out how to use its magic. He brought the spear to me. I turned into a giant red dragon, and Jesus stood on my head. As we flew together East, he struck a pose on my broad head, as if he were going to throw the spear. I’m not sure, but I think the spear point was golden, with some kind of etchings.

I’ve also had a couple of angel dreams. And they were nothing like “Touched by an Angel”.

In one angel dream, this rather tall, powerful man, held a normal-sized man out of a window. The angel dangled him out of a 15th-story window by his neck. The “vibe” I sensed from the angel was, “You must be punished.” This feeling was directed at the man that he held.

The other dream showed Trump on stage, giving a speech to his constituents. A female angel appeared above the crowd. She was tall, thin, and clad in golden plate mail. Her wings looked like fire. She pulled her sword from its sheath; it was enveloped in flames. She flew straight for the stage, and in one stroke, she decapitated Trump. His head rolled a little on the stage, and that was the end of the dream. I believe she was an angel of God’s Wrath.

I also have a vague recollection of a dream where t-shirt wearing tourists were riding donkeys in the Middle East. Then the scene changed, and this truck driver picks up this little boy that was hitchhiking. There was something evil about the boy. I suddenly had a “sense” that the boy was the Anti-Christ, and that the truck driver was to become the False Prophet. Talk about seeing unexpected harbingers of darkness. No one would expect a couple of unknowns like that.

Dreams of Ancient Alien Civilizations – August 19, 2016

alien

This year, I’ve had three dreams involving ancient alien civilizations, ones that have existed for billions of years, and have colonized many star systems. These civilizations are being destroyed.

In the first dream, our space ship was in orbit of a planet. It was devoid of life. There were abandoned cities everywhere, and I was exploring one. The buildings were largely intact, as was the machinery. However, the robots and other electronics couldn’t  be powered up. There was a sense of something malevolent that had consumed the planet and left it like this. We were soon called back to the ship, because we had to leave, and fast. I saw a holographic network of colonies connected to this planet’s star system. We were concerned about avoiding this sense of malevolence.

In the second dream, I actually saw the malevolent entity descend on a planet. It was like a planet-swallowing amoeba made of darkness. It seemed attracted to any civilization that had reached a certain level of technological progress. It would engulf a planet and would consume all energy sources. Electronics would cease operation, and the entity cut off sunlight, thereby killing off vegetation. The populace would slowly starve to death in darkness. One of the inhabitants told me the only way to escape the entity entirely would be to migrate to another dimension, where the dark entity didn’t exist.

Last night’s dream turned out to be a continuation of this theme. I found myself on a space ship. I was in a computer room. I had been allowed to bring my laptop. The computer had a female voice, and she was accommodating. I think I was tasked with trying to figure out how to restore more of the ship’s systems. I asked the ship’s computer for paper and something to write with. She replicated it, and she also supplied an energy source for my laptop. I found out her name later; she was called Odina. None of her builders were on board. She’d flown to Earth for a very long time. I eventually started exploring the ship. Near the computer room were “buildings” that looked like ancient Greek architecture. They were all well-preserved ruins. I met other people exploring too; Odina told me that there were 100,000 humans on the ship. After I left one empty building, I noticed a McDonald’s and other restaurants. I found this odd, but I was hungry, so I went to one of the restaurants. Odina told me that we could order whatever we wanted and eat as much as we wanted, for free. Odina was replicating the food for us. After I ate, I continued exploring. I met a Japanese man. We didn’t speak each other’s language, so Odina translated for us, much like the Babelfish in The Hitchhiker. I continued on my way, and I soon found myself in an expansive nature setting. I didn’t even consider this scene was on the ship. Odina and I had a conversation about this cow and her calf. Then the two cattle ran off, following behind a guy riding a giraffe. Odina eventually told me that her mission was to bring us to her makers’ planet to fight the dark entity. The dark entity is led by a being that looks like a mighty demon.

Memories about Early Awareness – August 18, 2016

I saw the following meme, and though the lack of education is frightening, it reminded me of how my awareness expanded over time.

america greatest in nation

When I was 4 or 5, I thought that my neighborhood was all there was of the world. Then I thought it was my hometown. This progressed to county, state, North America, the Americas, and finally, the entire world.

Over the years, as I learned and grew, that awareness was able to grasp the universe, the multiverse, and it even tries to comprehend beyond that.

Memories of Cooking Fails – August 17, 2016

Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bar
Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bar

I began cooking when I was 16. That year, I’d decided to take Home Ec as an elective. And when I was at home, Dad started me off by frying steaks and pork chops.

The thing is though, my steaks usually came out like “burnt offerings”. They were tough and hard to chew. But I’ve made cooking blunders during the more recent years.

One time, I was making ramen for my roommate and myself. I was seasoning it with red pepper flakes. I didn’t realize it, but the shaker had come off in the canister’s lid. Instead of a sprinkle, I wound up dumping half of the canister into the cooking pot. It was so spicy, but I didn’t want to throw it out. So I dumped a lot of ranch dressing into the ramen to make it bearable. It was rather yucky, but we ate it.

Another time, I tried “tweaking” this diabetic brownie recipe. I substituted Splenda for the sugar. The brownies came out hard, like hockey pucks, and they were bitter from the cocoa powder. But my roommate ate them, since it was still chocolate.

There was one happy cooking blunder though. I was making a batch of cloned Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bars for a friend. I misread the recipe, thinking that cream cheese was supposed to go into the batter, so that’s what I did. After I looked at the recipe again, I realized I’d made a mistake. But I continued making the recipe. The cake portion of the bars was rich and heavy, but it tasted pretty darned good. My friend, Beth, enjoyed them as well. I made them for her and her husband for when they returned from Italy.

Dreams about Animals – August 16, 2016

panther

Last night’s dream had me in my childhood home. The front door was wide open, and it was nighttime. There were kittens and cats meowing to be let in. Then I noticed a full-grown panther just calmly lying on the porch. There was this feeling that she would like to come in too. She was simply gorgeous. Near the steps, to the left, I noticed a half-grown male lion. He was just as black as the panther. He just wanted to hang out where he was. (The panther is supposed to be my animal guide.)

There was a dream where I met a squirrel. It was very happy and friendly. It came right up to me to say “hi”.

I also had a dream about leprechauns and a kiwi bird. There was this leprechaun baron and a leprechaun prince. Both wanted to woo me. The baron was taller than the prince; shorter stature for leprechauns means  being higher in the social hierarchy. When I wandered down the hill, I met a kiwi bird. It spoke to me. I was surprised, so I asked how it could speak. It replied, “Oh, all animals can talk. We just don’t want to be obvious about it by wearing clothes.”

I have a vague recollection of dreaming about hummingbirds, a dolphin, and I seem to recall a peregrine falcon being “flown” like a kite (it actually flew itself) by a length of yarn from one of its legs.

There was also a dream where this elderly woman lived by herself. She had a cabin in the woods. An army of house cats had gathered outside with the intent to kill her. They were lead by a bobcat.

Dreams of Ancient Egypt – August 15, 2016

goddess isis

One of my first dreams about Ancient Egypt involved the goddess Isis having a love affair with another Egyptian goddess. I didn’t recognize the second goddess, although it could have been Ma’at. But what was interesting is that Isis became pregnant with a son from this affair.

Then there was a dream that seemed related to Astrology. I remember being told that not only do the planets each have a deity ruling over them, but so does the solar system, the Galaxy, and so on. And there was this very brief flash of Ancient Egyptian deity depictions in the dream. I do not remember being shown or told who presided over what, other than there was a hierarchy for each “grouping” of celestial bodies.

Last night, I remember the “current Pharaoh” showing me the sarcophagus of his predecessor. I got on hands and knees, worshiping the predecessor as a god, as was the custom in Ancient Egypt. I then spoke with the “current Pharaoh,” suggesting that he could try conquering the known world. The “current Pharaoh” took me to this large relief carving made of black stone that might have been obsidian. There was a carved relief of a Pharaoh’s head, wearing his crown, to the left, and some kind of ancient text flowing around the right side of the carving. This writing wasn’t the religious hieroglyphics. It looked more like cuneiform, or some other writing that would have been known by scribes and other trained elites. I could read the text as easily as English. Though details are vague, the writing mentioned a Pharaoh and a woman. Then the scene changed, and I saw a blonde-haired Roman soldier and his horse. The soldier had a red cloak and he wore chest armor. (I think the dream involving me with Pharaoh could have been a past life, where I was a scribe, since scribes would have been familiar with reading the day-to-day writing used by the educated elites.)

Thoughts on Disability -August 13, 2016

This is an issue that weighs on my mind, especially for the past few days. A dear friend of mine was needlessly ridiculed by someone on FaceBook; that critic had no functional knowledge of how disability works. She has an invisible disability. As do I. She tried to set him straight by giving him the link to SSI, which is a Federal government site that informs people about the Social Security Administration and disability. Well, her assailant refused to educate himself, and all he could do was hurl insults and complain about how “his taxes” are being “misused.”

Like it or not, the Federal government sets the guidelines for Social Security and what the process is for being declared “disabled”. But first, a visual about where Social Security taxes go:

social security taxes

This figure shows where every American citizen’s Social Security taxes go. I worked. I was taxed. It went into my Social Security account. And since I worked enough years to draw on it for my disability, the money comes from my account. The Social Security taxes that have gone into my account over the years didn’t come from anyone else. The same is true for you as well. You will get to draw on what you put in.

 

Disability

Now for disability. People tend to have a lot of misunderstandings about this too. There are physical disabilities that are quite obvious (like being wheelchair-bound) and ones you can’t see (like multiple sclerosis or degenerative spine disease). Then there are the emotional and mental disabilities, none of which are visible. Disorders of this nature include epilepsy, major depression, schizophrenia, and PTSD.

Disabled people like my friend and I are told “You seem normal to me.” or “You’re lazy/faking it.” However, the people making such observations/accusations are not medical professionals. They don’t sit on the state medical examiner boards, nor are they disability judges. They might like to think they’re all-knowing like God, but they’re unwilling to admit they probably don’t even know themselves all that well.

Being declared disabled isn’t as easy as sending a letter to the Social Security Administration and telling them that there’s something wrong with you. You have to supply them with all relevant information: a current resume and medical records are crucial. This information is sent to the state’s medical examiner board. They review the medical records to determine if there’s any medical basis for being disabled. Then finally, the information is reviewed by a disability judge. This process can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years.

 

My Personal Tale

For years, I’ve suffered from major depression. I had little interest in doing things I loved. I didn’t want to get up during the day. I’d have insomnia at night. My mood could flare into rage in an instant. And that would send me spiraling back into the cycle of depression.

In 2013, I finally admitted to myself that I needed help. Something was wrong with me. I was broken inside. So I checked myself into the local mental hospital.

In there, I told the doctor about the suicide attempts. I’ve tried overdosing on pills or on a mix of pills and alcohol. I’d tried it several times without success. I told him about the voices (both auditory and “telepathic”), and seeing things (like the shadow people). I described my insomnia and sleeping habits, my eating (or lack thereof), and mood swings.

After I was released, I suffered another hurdle. One of the indigent clinics that a former roommate went to for his help didn’t want to help me. I wound up calling the suicide hotline that night. They pointed me to another facility. The next day, I spoke tearfully to their director, and they were expedient getting me all set up.

For the next two years, I was eventually placed on SSI for my depression. It was still a very rough up-and-down, trying to maintain an apartment that was rendered largely unusable by thoughtless neighbors all around. When I’d complain to the local police, they were quite useless and refused to do anything, even when the neighbor admitted to doing what prompted the call. The stress would get to me, to the point that I was hospitalized yet again, this time for wanting to commit suicide with a gun. During this time, I made my appointments and continued my treatment.

Things got so bad in November 2015, that the complex was kicking me out. I was supposed to have until the end of the month. I spoke with the manager and made a partial payment. she gave me until November 19th to pay the rest. But she cut my lights off on November 11th. A dear high school friend rescued my kitties and myself the next day, and I moved to a new home, in a new state. I now reside with another high school friend, and she’s the disabled person that prompted this blog article.

It’s still a roller coaster, and I’m still impacted by stress. My new psychiatrist agrees with the previous diagnosis (major depression), but he also believes I suffer from a mild form of schizophrenia. So, I’m still on disability. But it’s my Social Security taxes that I’m drawing from, and no one else’s.